Highland Wishes And Dreams: Scottish Regency Novella Page 3

  Finn turned away and gazed out of the window, gently rocking Jake in his arms. “My sisters’ did make good matches.” He looked back at Galina and added, “You’re wrong. Men too want to make the right choice. A lifetime is a long time to spend with anyone. I think finding the right person is very important.”

  She nodded wishing to gain the courage to ask him if he had a lady in mind. He surprised her instead. “Is there a man whom you favor?”

  Their eyes clashed and her head swam at what she saw there. It was as if he was worried that she might have met someone. Before she could find the words to answer, his hand founds hers and they sat silently staring into each other’s eyes while Jake gurgled softly in Finn’s arms.

  Her world filled with sunshine and she broke into a smile. Finn returned her smile and squeezed her hand. Had he finally seen her as someone other than his sister’s friend?

  So lost in each other, Galina didn’t notice Andrew enter the room. It was only when her brother cleared his throat that Finn turned away, and upon seeing Andrew he let go of her hand and stood.

  “I’d like to spend some time with my son.” Andrew’s voice shook with anger and his eyes flashed daggers at Finn.

  Finn placed Jake into Andrew’s arms and on a bow to Galina, slipped from the room.

  “My wife has been in her grave two months. You might wait a respectable time before throwing yourself at Finn.”

  Galina tried not to let Andrew’s words hurt her but a barb struck true. “I would never do anything to impugn Wen’s memory. I loved her too.” With that she walked past Andrew towards the door.

  “I’m sorry. Can you imagine how it feels to see you and Finn? I’ve just lost the love of my life and the pain is almost unbearable. I cannot bear to see happiness when my world is in darkness.”

  Galina didn’t know what to say. Andrew was being unfair but then for him life wasn’t fair. “I can’t stop my heart from loving any more than you can. I want to marry Finn if he will have me, but we will of course wait out the mourning period.”

  Andrew looked at her bleakly. “Wen always thought you would marry her brother. But please, not now. It’s too soon for me to grasp. If you leave me… I’ll be alone.”

  “You’ll have Jake.” At his bleak stare, she walked and placed a kiss on Andrew’s cheek. “I won’t leave you while you need me.”

  Andrew briefly closed his eyes and then nodded. “I’ll always need you. If you leave, I’ll have no one.” He turned away and started talking to Jake. Galina wondered if her brother would ever recover. She would give him time but she would not wait forever.

  When she closed the nursery door behind her, she was surprised to see Finn leaning against the corridor wall. He held out his arm. “How about some fresh air with a stroll in the garden.”

  She felt her face flush as she tucked her arm through his. “I’d like that.”

  On the way to the garden Finn told her about the letter he’d had from Emily, with a poem she wanted Finn to read at Jake’s christening.

  They both looked at each other wondering how Emily was coping with her twin’s death and the safe delivery of her son.

  She took Finn to the rose garden. The stunning blooms filled the air with fragrance chasing away the smell of death that had been hanging over the house for far too long. The early evening dusk gave a red glow over the gardens. “Wen loved walking out here just as night was falling. Andrew’s not the only one who misses her dreadfully.”

  * * *

  Finn wanted to pull her into an embrace upon hearing the grief, pain, and loneliness in Galina’s words. It was almost as if Galina blamed Wen for leaving her. He too was angry at the waste of such a beautiful life, but blame and raging at the world would not bring Wen back. He’d finally understood that raging against fate drained you, and that life was for the living. He—they—owed it to Wen to live a good and happy life.

  He wanted to chase away the sorrow he heard in her voice, and the lump lodged deep in his chest, so he cupped her face in his hands and slowly, so as not to startle her, leaned towards the lips he had been dying to taste since earlier today. She did not try to stop him, in fact she leaned closer and her eyelids fluttered closed as her lips parted.

  At the feel of her soft mouth under his, blood pounded in his veins. Desire ignited. She tasted of sweetness, of innocence, and his heart screamed mine.

  He’d had his fair share of women in his bed, but his body ached to make her his. To sink into her body and lose himself, sating his sudden and inexplicable desire for her. Yet he could not. Not now. It would not be right. But he could steal a kiss or two…

  He was gentle at first, but when Galina placed her hands on his chest and gave a little whimper, his mouth closed over hers. She opened to him and he groaned again. Then he was inside, tasting her as if he was a starving man and she was a feast. Her reaction delighted and surprised him. She was dueling with his tongue, matching him stroke for stroke.

  Breaking only for air, he raised his head and stared at her wondering how he had not seen how perfect she was before this moment. Changing the angle of the kiss he came at her again, settling his mouth more firmly over hers. Her sweet lips clung to his as her fingers reached to fist in his hair, holding him to the plundering, caressing kiss because she didn’t want him pulling back. That knowledge almost brought him to his knees. She wanted him and his soul sang.

  Galina would make him happy. She had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember, but it’s only in this moment that she became more than simply a friend of Wen’s. Perhaps it was his grief that had opened his eyes to what was under his nose. Or perhaps he had fought letting himself fall in love with Galina because Wen teased him about her. How he wished his sister was here to tell him ‘I told you so’.

  As these thoughts filled his head, he eased the kiss down from a roaring fire to tiny little pecks. When his lips left hers, Galina still had her arms wrapped around his neck pushing her firm bosom into his chest. She rubbed against his erection and he had to move to put a bit of distance between them.

  They stood with Finn stroking her sides while she played with his hair at the nape of his neck. She smiled at him shyly and his grin widened.

  “I know it was not appropriate but you would tempt the devil.” He wanted to bite his tongue as soon as he said those words because her smiled died and she stepped away from him.

  “Wen would want me to be happy. She would be cheering at the idea of the kiss.”

  “Aye, she would,” Finn responded. “She told me I would marry you. I wish she was here to see it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s Andrew’s reaction I’m worried about. He’s not in a very good place—understandably.”

  Galina sniffed a rose and interrupted his musings by saying, “I’m relieved he’s taking an interest in his son though. Jake’s a beautiful baby.”

  His heart bloomed at the thought of Jake. “He is bonny and will be a comfort for all of us. Wen would be besotted with him. I will ensure to tell Jake when he’s older, how lucky he was to have you as his auntie when he was born.”

  She actually flinched at his words and to his horror she burst into tears.

  He pulled her to him. “Don’t cry. I can’t bear to hear you cry.”

  “I’m so scared of falling completely in love with him. Already I feel as if he is a part of me and I’ve only been looking after Jake for two months.”

  He stroked her back and an idea of what she was hinting at struck him like an arrow straight to his heart. She would have to leave Jake when she wed.

  Through more tears she uttered as if disgusted with herself. “I’m holding back from a little baby because I’m petrified of having to leave him. If I want to marry and have my own life and children, I have to leave Jake behind with Andrew. Jake is so little. He needs a mother. How can I think of leaving?” Another sob. “I’m so selfish.”

  “You’re not selfish. You’re feeling like this because you are a good, kind, loving, woman
. And because you realize I want to court you.” He hugged her tightly. “I don’t know why I have fought this for so long. Wen was right. The perfect woman for me was under my nose, but I just couldn’t see you clearly.”

  She wrapped her slim arms around his waist and pressed closer into his chest. “I have been infatuated with you since I was a young girl. But I fell in love with you at Wen’s wedding. I’d never seen a grown man cry, but I saw you wiping tears when you handed her into Andrew’s care.” She loved that he was not worried about showing his emotions. With Finn you always knew where you stood. There was no artifice merely truth, love, and friendship.

  “I’ve always loved you too but I was never in love with you. But… something has changed and I have no idea what or why? But now all I can think about is making you mine. I can’t say my timing is perfect, but I’m hoping that when you and I are out of mourning, I may court you properly.”

  She looked up and cupped his cheek. “I have been waiting to hear those words for many years but…” and more tears fell. “Everything has changed. Wen’s death…”

  He frowned and confusion marred his thoughts. “Wen told me I would marry you.” He bent and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I intend to ensure she didn’t lie.”

  She pushed out of his hold and buried her face in her hands. “It would be possible if mother was still alive, but if I leave there is only Andrew. I can’t bear to think of leaving him with a baby and no one to help him but servants.”

  Finn’s blood iced his veins. “What are you trying to tell me?” But he already knew.

  “How can I possibly leave Andrew in this state?”

  He stepped forward and gripped her hands. “I said we would wait until the end of the mourning period. In twelve months.”

  Her anguished face looked as if it was pleading with him. “Jake will only be a year old. Andrew needs me for longer than that. Besides, I promised Wen I would not leave him to flounder on his own. I’m sorry, Finn, but if you wish to marry me, I fear you will be waiting for a lot longer than one year.”

  With that she ripped her hands free and ran back to the house stifling her sobs.

  Finn stood there watching her and knew she was right. How could he expect her to leave her brother alone with a new baby and his broken heart? He cursed under his breath. Why did he have to suddenly see Galina as a sensual, desirable, as a potential lover, as his wife, just when both their worlds had been turned upside down.

  Andrew’s grief was what was holding Galina back. He could perfectly understand. She loved her brother and she loved Jake. It wasn’t fair to expect her ot love him more—not yet.

  He tried not to let the grief and hopelessness of the situation overwhelm him. He could almost hear Wen whisper ‘She’s the one for you. Fight for her.’ He wanted to make Galina his, and by God he would find a way. “Why did you have to leave us, Wen?” he whispered into the gathering darkness. He knew Andrew would be thinking this every minute of his day.

  He took a deep breath struggling with the situation they found themselves in and made to follow Galina inside when Andrew stepped from the shadows and stopped him by saying, “When I wake up in the middle of the night screaming for Wen, and then realize she’s gone forever, the pain rips me apart, and I curse your name. If I had never met you, I would never have met Wen, and I would not be experiencing this pain.”

  Finn’s fists curled at his side. “I understand you are hurting, Andrew, but this fall into self-pity does you and Wen a disservice. Wen would be turning in her grave to hear you say you wish you’d never married her, but I will forgive you this once. My sister gave her life to give you your precious son. A baby who deserves love and happiness. Don’t make her sacrifice be in vain, or it will come between our families.”

  With that he walked off, leaving Andrew to wallow in his self-pity, too angry to stay least he did something he’d regret.

  Chapter 6

  The christening went smoothly and it gave Galina joy to see Jake beginning to recognize Andrew. Galina was at her brother’s side in the church, but Andrew insisted on holding his son, and it gave her hope that he would be the father Jake deserved.

  Back at the house, Galina had laid out a picnic for staff and tenants to help celebrate the baptism of the new Viscount and heir apparent. All through the celebration she could not stop watching Finn. He moved among the tenants and staff graciously, and it was obvious they admired him, and Andrew too.

  By late afternoon Galina was tired. She’d been on her feet almost all day, so she knew Mrs. Wilson and the staff must be tired too. She organized the last of the tables outside to be cleared and grabbed Mrs. Wilson’s arm as she went past. “Let’s just have a light supper this evening in the drawing room. I’m sure everyone is tired. Tell Cook she has done us all proud and thank you for all your work.”

  “Thank you, my lady. I’ll organize some cold meats, cheese and bread.”

  Just then, Lady Stuart arrived at her side. “What a lovely day it has been. I could feel Wen with us, and Jake was just adorable in his gown. Thank you, Galina.”

  She accepted Lady Stuart’s hug. “Nanny has taken Jake to the nursery. It’s been a long day for him. I thought we’d have a light supper in the drawing room.”

  “I suspect that is a good idea. I hope Finn waits until tomorrow to talk to Andrew about Wen’s ring. Tempers tend to flare when tiredness is in play. Besides, I suspect it has been an emotional day for your brother. I know I’m devastated that Wen is not here to see Jake baptized but for Andrew… I can feel his pain.”

  Galina looked for her brother and saw him standing off to the side of the building smoking a cheroot and gazing into the distance. “Go to him. It’s not good to be alone with your sorrow.” Lady Stuart patted her hand and Galina slipped free and walked towards her brother.

  He didn’t acknowledge her when she arrived at his side. “Your son was such a good baby today. It was as if he knew he was to be the next Earl of Banff and was acting accordingly.”

  Finally a tilt up of Andrew’s lips.

  She stood waiting but he said nothing. “Wen would be proud of you today. You faced this with grace and your love for your son was obvious.”

  He turned to her then. “At least if something happens to Jake, he and Wen will be together now he’s baptized.”

  “True. But nothing will happen to Jake. He’s a healthy babe.”

  Andrew’s face crumpled. “But what if it does. I can’t let myself love him. If I lost him too…”

  So this is what he feared. Loss. Being left alone with his pain. But what Galina feared most was never getting to experience love at all. A love that consumed you, healed you and brought you joy.

  “I know you are hurting, Andrew. But I’ll tell you one thing. I’d rather get to experience the love you shared with Wen, and what you can have with Jake, then never love at all. That’s what I fear. I fear living a life and never being touched by a love so strong it nourishes you. You should be thankful that you had Wen’s love even for a short time, and you should cherish the fact she gave you Jake. If you cannot see that then I pity you, for the rest of your life will be spent on bitterness and loneliness.”

  She didn’t wait for a reply, she merely called over her shoulder as she walked back to the house, “Supper will be in the drawing room soon. Please join your guests.”

  By the time she reached the drawing room her anger had dimmed and she wondered if she was angry simply because she felt trapped. She wanted to help her brother but she also wanted to be with Finn. The guilt fell on her shoulders as if she were in the stocks of old. Selfish. She was being selfish. Andrew and Jake needed her.

  Finn was already there. He and his mother were deep in conversation. They stopped upon her entry.

  “Will Andrew be joining us,” Lady Stuart asked.

  “I hope so. It’s been an emotional day for him.”

  “For us all,” Finn commented. Galina had to agree. Grief was draining. It had taken Galina these weeks
to finally understand she didn’t want to grieve her friend. She wanted to remember Wen. She wanted to cherish the joy of having had her in her life. She would never move on or forget. Galina would honor Wen’s memory by smiling every time she thought of Wen, every time she saw her son, and rejoicing at every family gathering. Andrew just had to find his way out of the forest of sorrow and into the meadow of remembrance.

  Lady Stuart smiled and sighed. She said, “Let’s hope we can continue as a family with Wen watching over us, hugging us from heaven.”

  Galina hoped for that too but she worried what the conversation that she knew would be held tomorrow would do to them all. She glanced across at Finn and noted his mouth tighten.

  Galina turned the talk towards Jake and how he behaved today, and the three of them spent a wonderful hour listening to Lady Stuart sharing stories from when Finn and the twins were children. She missed this. With both her parent’s dead, Andrew and her rarely revisited the past.

  After another hour, Lady Stuart stifled a yawn and excused herself. Leaving Finn and Galina alone.

  The minute the door closed Finn rose from his chair and joined her on the settee. He cupped her chin and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”

  Her heart sang and she swore she could hear Wen’s teasing laugh. So she grew bold. She crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing close. “That was hardly a kiss to wait all day for. This is a kiss,” and she took his mouth, slipping her tongue deep, demanding entrance. It didn’t take long for his surprise to ignite into desperate passion. His tongue dueled with hers and his hands rose to cup her breasts, his thumb rubbing her hardened nipple through her gown.

  Her hands tightened in his hair and he groan as she pressed her bottom against his erection.

  Just when his hand began to creep under her gown and stroke her leg, he broke the kiss. Breathing heavily he whispered against her ear. “Not here. Not where Andrew could walk in.”